Now and Not Yet
Throughout different seasons of my life I can trace a common thread of hope and joy rising “in the middle” of the journey I have been on, and continue to be on. I now unexpectedly find myself in between the NOW and the NOT YET. I am sitting in a space filled with a lot of emotion yet I trust Him and know He has a perfect plan for me. The exhaustion comes when I cannot see where I’m going or praying and getting “not yet” from Him. I can always see His fingerprints on my day-to-day life. I can fully say I trust Him but as a human being I have to be honest and say some days it is really hard. Some days I want to wave the white flag, throw in the towel, and say I’m done. Not giving up - but done waiting and ready for what’s next.
As I have gotten older I have shifted my thinking in this. I allow myself to feel every ounce of emotion needed for a short time but then I get down to it with God. I ask “If not yet, what do you want me to learn while I wait?” The waiting is challenging yet I find it also peaceful, calming, and enriching because it draws me closer to my Heavenly Father - my Father who weeps with me, comforts me, and gives what is best for me.
Drawing closer to Him for me means being more still, sitting in His presence, praying, AND listening for his voice above all the others. It is reading my Bible, listening to worship music, and being intentional to not just push through but being held in my Father’s arms. The difference here is that I’m intentional in drawing closer instead of running away. Colossians 3:1-4 reminds us to focus our minds on heavenly things, not the early ones. That brings perspective also to set my eyes on the things above even while I’m in the “now” and “not yet.”
As a wife, mom, pastor, daughter, sister, and friend I find myself constantly walking others through these seasons but never like to embrace it when it comes to me. Whether it is in my family, ministry, or even my own health. I can see where God wants me to grow and it is in those moments I sit in the not yet.
For 14 years I was misdiagnosed with the reason I had had 16 kidney stones. Three doctors missed the real reason. It was not until I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease that my Infectious Disease Doctor found the root cause of those stones.
I was so upset when I was diagnosed with Lyme but I knew God had a reason. This was ONE of those reasons. God is always moving and working yet I don’t always see it. These stones are an illustration in itself. Healing with stones, my last three before I had healing were painless. That is not heard of yet it was happening.
God was literally carrying me through the “not yet” in such a tangible way. I have a high tolerance for pain but kidney stones are next level!
He is faithful in the not yet.
He cares and provides in the not yet.
He is present with us in the not yet.
He does His greatest work in us in the not yet…we just have to lend ourselves wholly to it and not wish it away so He can do all He wants to in us and ultimately through us.
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
- Colossians 3:1-4 (NIV)
